Routine

As I have mentioned before I moved at the end of September into an awesome house in LA. Or have I mentioned it? I really can't remember. But it is awesome. And I finally have a room to myself.

Anyway, I have all of my essentials like clothing and toiletries unpacked but still have some work to do before I can gain the use of my bedroom floor for something other than storing boxes. How did I end up with so much stuff? Lately when I have spare time that I could be using to organize one of my closets and throwing stuff away I seem to find something else to do, or don't feel like I have the energy to tackle the project. 

I think a big part of my problem is that I haven't established much of a routine yet. At the beginning of October I again started teaching at a kids aerial arts studio (they were closed all summer while they built their new location) and I was trying to shuffle my schedule with the Coffee Bean to allow me to do both jobs. Those were a few crazy weeks that have left me with strange sleeping habits, low gas light warnings in my car, and some interesting and creative meals from forgetting to go grocery shopping. I desperately need to pull it together for health and safety's sake! Not to mention I haven't been able to spend much time working on the marketing and launch plan for my new business.

Now that both jobs have a pretty steady schedule I'm taking the time today to plan out some sort of routine so I can hold myself accountable for my time and start accomplishing more than I am. I WILL get my room organized, I WILL eat decent meals, I WILL have an earlier bedtime, and I WILL have hours dedicated to building my future business.

But of course, I'll leave some time to keep doing and learning fun things like this:

Acro Balance at Santa Monica Beach - I'm in blue

Apologies, Easy Targets, Defense Mechanisms and Kayaks

Put on your life jackets, there are rough waters ahead.

Last week a former college friend of mine sent me an online message apologizing for the way she used to treat me. I was surprised to hear from her; to my relief we had parted ways about 4 years ago and haven't spoken since. What's most interesting though is that this isn't the first time someone from my past has reached out to me to make up for their actions. A few years ago I was invited to a Christmas party hosted by the parents of a guy who had teased me as a child, then kissed me in high school and denied to the entire marching band that such a thing ever happened. Being some of the only young adults at that Christmas party he and I spent most of the evening together and near the end of the night he surprised me with his apology. There have been apologies from a few others as well.

I am grateful these people are taking the time and effort to apologize whether or not they end up being a part of my life in the future.

Receiving these apologies do make me wonder; what it is about me that makes people treat me so poorly to begin with? Why have I often been the outcast or the easy target? Just this week I walked into work to hear a coworker talking negatively about me to the other employees loud enough that the entire store could hear (He only apologized because he turned around and realized that I had walked in and heard him as well). What did I ever do to him?

It's because of negative experiences like these that I feel like I constantly have my guard up. I expect friends to suddenly decide that I'm not important enough to be in their lives anymore, so I end up not investing enough time and effort to forge deeper relationships. I also wonder if this may cross over into dating relationships as well. My last roommate recently tried to pay me a compliment after I had broken up with the guy I had been dating by telling me I was really strong; that I'm used to being alone and chose to break up rather than continue in a relationship just because it was available to me. Though she didn't mean it to, her words made me feel as though the choice I had put a lot of thought into was made merely to protect myself from getting hurt by hurting someone else first. It reminded me of that Gilmore Girls episode where Emily compares her marriage to paddling a canoe and then compares Lorelai and her lack of long term relationships to being in a kayak; she's so used to being on her own she doesn't need another person to paddle with her.

So tell me, have I officially hit kayak status? Or am I pushing others out of my canoe?

Dear Customer

Dear Female Customer who came to my register during yesterday morning's shift,

You must have had a rough morning, but you were hiding it well. For a while, anyway. I mean, what other reason did you have for flying off the handle at me?

We greeted you as you came in the door and started selecting a few items from the refrigerated case. You asked me a question about the cup of oatmeal which I explained we could add hot water to now or let you take it and make it elsewhere at your convenience.

You selected a boxed salad along with the oatmeal and asked me to make the oatmeal now as you came to my register. Smiling, I did so and cautioned you to be careful with the container since it was extremely hot. I finished your transaction and noticing your hands were full, I asked if you wanted a bag for you to take your items. When you said yes I opened the bag for you.

I don't know why you suddenly felt like you needed to rush to put everything in the bag; no one was asking you to step out of the way for another customer. We were definitely focused on you at the moment. Whatever the reason, you ended up dropping the oatmeal as you put it in the bag, swearing out loud when it spilled. I quickly said "I've got it" and grabbed the cup before it had completely emptied, and saved the salad while telling you to not put your hand in the bag so you wouldn't be burned. I'm sure you didn't realize that the oatmeal had splashed on me during this ordeal, right? That's okay. Better me than you; like I said, you must have had a rough morning already.

Imagine the surprise on my face when you immediately began to shout at me. I froze with your salad in one hand and the bag dripping with steaming oatmeal in the other as you said something like "you know, you could actually HELP your customers!" I was shocked. Did you really think I was not helping? Or were you simply lashing out at me because you were upset that you had a clumsy moment in public? Had you waited a few more seconds you would've had your replacement oatmeal in your hands. I stuttered a response ("that's what I'm trying to do...") and you very loudly demanded a new cup of oatmeal, AND a new salad. This time though, you decided to take the oatmeal uncooked.

I wonder, did it make you feel better to let your anger out at me? I'll bet it didn't. One of my coworkers asked you if you were okay while I was cleaning up the mess and he said it looked like you were going to cry. After being handed your new bag you turned your back to me as I wished you a good day. You didn't acknowledge me. But you probably just didn't hear me.