When The Going Gets Tough - I Break Down

Once upon a time I had dreams of grandeur. As I entered my last year of college I talked about moving to California one day to be a successful band manager or talent scout...basically someone important to the entertainment world. However as I got involved in a few internships I managed to line up a pretty great job for myself upon graduation, and I left for Christmas break feeling pretty great about my future. I even got used to the idea of staying in Vegas for a few more years; it would give me a good foothold of experience before heading out to a larger market in California - which would happen eventually, just not then. Then the company downsized. And took back my offer of employment (I'm pretty sure I've talked about this before). Anyway, with the way things worked out California now seemed to be the best place to find a full-time job and I never felt like I shouldn't move. So, I moved.

I've been in LA for just over 48 hours now, and for the most part I am NOT enjoying it.

I don't like that most of my belongings are still in boxes because I have no where to put them even if I did unpack them. It's hard not having any friends to call upon when I'm bored and want to do something. I hate having to remember which side of the street gets cleaned on what day between what times, and waking up early to move my car before it gets towed out of the sweeper's way. I hate that there's heavy traffic nearly ALL day; it makes me want to stay inside all the time so I don't have to deal with it. It bothers me each time my brother and his wife comment that they no longer have space to do their P90X exercizes in the second bedroom, or say "I didn't know we were losing the WHOLE bedroom." YOU try moving an entire house into one room; it's not easy! The whole reason I moved in here was because it was offered to me; I hate, hate, HATE feeling like I'm a bother to someone else. I don't feel qualified for any position that I've heard about, and hesitate to send in my resume for fear of rejection (stupid, right?). I hate that I haven't memorized my new address yet; it's really not complicated. I want to go home, but when I think about going home I don't know if I mean Colorado or Las Vegas.

I hate that I hate California right now. This was supposed to be a good thing.